Count Down
By the time I finish writing this is will be Sunday, November 13, 2005. With any luck in four more days, on November 17th, the new improved me will emerge. At least I hope the new improved me will emerge. You see, November 17, 2005 is the Great American Smoke Out. I've been having a rough year health wise and decided that quitting smoking is in order.....in addition to a lot of other lifestyle changes.
I've been smoking since I was 13 years old. Yes, I quit smoking while I was pregnant and I've quit several times over the years but always seem to start back up again. The last time I quit smoking and restarted wasn't even because I wanted to start. I started smoking again out of spite. My ex husband #2 is the ex-husband from hell. For a good part of our marriage he was just the husband from hell. Anyway, I had quit smoking for 3 years. He didn't smoke and never liked me smoking. Needless to say he pissed me off so bad one day that I started smoking again just to piss him off. Well it did but in the long run I was the one who paid for it. It's probably been 11 years since I quit smoking and my stress level has been such that quitting wasn't an option without ripping someone's head off.
There's probably a good chance that when I try to quit on the 17th that I might actually rip someone's head off still but I guess that's the chance I have to take. I'm hoping that I can muster up enough willpower to follow through. You would think that feeling like crap and not being able to breathe would be enough incentive to quit. The fact that my father passed away this year from a massive heart attack might help too. I sure hope so. Not that I don't love my dad, but I'm just not ready to visit with him just yet.
I'm tired of being the only smoker in certain circles but then I have friends and family who smoke and when I'm with them I'm in a comfort zone , even if it's not politically correct. I'm now going to be in an uncomfortable zone when I'm with my smoking buddies. I'm hoping I can overcome that in time.
Smoking is such a strong addiction. It used to be that when you picked up the phone or had a cocktail you felt the urge to have a butt. Now I find myself wanting a butt no matter what I do. I've known for along time that I feel like crap as a result of smoking. I just can't stop or something stresses me out and out come the butts. I think I've resigned myself to the fact that stress is always going to be part of my life. I'm going to have to find a way to deal with that though.
I remember when I quit before that one of the worst side effects was trying to find something to replace the motion of smoking. I'm not artsy crafty so knitting or something like that isn't an option. The last thing I want to do is replace cigarettes with food. I can't afford to gain any weight, so in addition to quitting smoking I'm also going to faced with sticking to a diet at the same time. I'm a diabetic too, with wacked out blood sugar levels, so food can not be my replacement. Needless to say I'm in search of alternative activities.
I also wonder if there's a way I can put my kids in a plastic bubble until I can get a grip on the new me, or at least my two youngest kids. My oldest son isn't here to bug me. He's busy being a new dad which is another good reason for me to quit. I really don't want to be smoking around my new grandson. My youngest two sons are much younger than him, one teenager and one pre-teenager. They like to argue and they're very good at it. Unfortunately for me it sometimes pushes me over the edge....on a good day.
Willpower hasn't been one of my strong points for a couple of years. The other day as I was getting ready for work I saw Oprah on Good Morning America. She said that she finally realized that her weight problem was the fact that she wasn't in balance. I sort of have to agree with her but not only when it comes to weight but when it comes down to your whole life in general. I think I can honestly say without a doubt that my life is out of balance. So I guess in actuality what I am attempting to do is to put my life back in balance. I can only imagine how good it must feel to be in balance. I can also only imagine how hard it is going to be to do it. It's too bad that you can't just put rocks in your pocket or something to put you back into balance and in harmony with the world.
I'm reading my daily quit tip emails, trying to find my smoking triggers and trying to come up with creative ideas of what to do with my hands instead of grabbing for a butt and stocking up of healthy snacking food. I sure hope I can get through this without losing my grip.....sooooo........Let The Count Down Begin!!!
I've been smoking since I was 13 years old. Yes, I quit smoking while I was pregnant and I've quit several times over the years but always seem to start back up again. The last time I quit smoking and restarted wasn't even because I wanted to start. I started smoking again out of spite. My ex husband #2 is the ex-husband from hell. For a good part of our marriage he was just the husband from hell. Anyway, I had quit smoking for 3 years. He didn't smoke and never liked me smoking. Needless to say he pissed me off so bad one day that I started smoking again just to piss him off. Well it did but in the long run I was the one who paid for it. It's probably been 11 years since I quit smoking and my stress level has been such that quitting wasn't an option without ripping someone's head off.
There's probably a good chance that when I try to quit on the 17th that I might actually rip someone's head off still but I guess that's the chance I have to take. I'm hoping that I can muster up enough willpower to follow through. You would think that feeling like crap and not being able to breathe would be enough incentive to quit. The fact that my father passed away this year from a massive heart attack might help too. I sure hope so. Not that I don't love my dad, but I'm just not ready to visit with him just yet.
I'm tired of being the only smoker in certain circles but then I have friends and family who smoke and when I'm with them I'm in a comfort zone , even if it's not politically correct. I'm now going to be in an uncomfortable zone when I'm with my smoking buddies. I'm hoping I can overcome that in time.
Smoking is such a strong addiction. It used to be that when you picked up the phone or had a cocktail you felt the urge to have a butt. Now I find myself wanting a butt no matter what I do. I've known for along time that I feel like crap as a result of smoking. I just can't stop or something stresses me out and out come the butts. I think I've resigned myself to the fact that stress is always going to be part of my life. I'm going to have to find a way to deal with that though.
I remember when I quit before that one of the worst side effects was trying to find something to replace the motion of smoking. I'm not artsy crafty so knitting or something like that isn't an option. The last thing I want to do is replace cigarettes with food. I can't afford to gain any weight, so in addition to quitting smoking I'm also going to faced with sticking to a diet at the same time. I'm a diabetic too, with wacked out blood sugar levels, so food can not be my replacement. Needless to say I'm in search of alternative activities.
I also wonder if there's a way I can put my kids in a plastic bubble until I can get a grip on the new me, or at least my two youngest kids. My oldest son isn't here to bug me. He's busy being a new dad which is another good reason for me to quit. I really don't want to be smoking around my new grandson. My youngest two sons are much younger than him, one teenager and one pre-teenager. They like to argue and they're very good at it. Unfortunately for me it sometimes pushes me over the edge....on a good day.
Willpower hasn't been one of my strong points for a couple of years. The other day as I was getting ready for work I saw Oprah on Good Morning America. She said that she finally realized that her weight problem was the fact that she wasn't in balance. I sort of have to agree with her but not only when it comes to weight but when it comes down to your whole life in general. I think I can honestly say without a doubt that my life is out of balance. So I guess in actuality what I am attempting to do is to put my life back in balance. I can only imagine how good it must feel to be in balance. I can also only imagine how hard it is going to be to do it. It's too bad that you can't just put rocks in your pocket or something to put you back into balance and in harmony with the world.
I'm reading my daily quit tip emails, trying to find my smoking triggers and trying to come up with creative ideas of what to do with my hands instead of grabbing for a butt and stocking up of healthy snacking food. I sure hope I can get through this without losing my grip.....sooooo........Let The Count Down Begin!!!
posted by Green Alligator @ 11:45 PM
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